Recolor | Picture

andriavanb

2 years ago

It's exhausting. I just want to be myself! I want to feel like my life has purpose, and that I am putting light and love out into the world. I really hope I'm not putting too much on you, let me know if I am. I know so well what it's like to be the person that everyone comes to for advice, counseling, to unload, to be lifted up and reassured, etc. I've been that person since I was a small child, even for adults! It can be quite the burden when you don't have anyone to return the favor! You're an

andriavanb

2 years ago

...incredible person: sweet, understanding, caring, kind, intelligent, and loving. Please make sure that you care for yourself and surround yourself with people who reciprocate your love. Give and take on both sides. Get your needs met too, because you matter just as much. It took me a very long time to learn that. Your friendship means so much to me, and if there's ever anything I can do for you, please let me know. Your kindness continues to inspire me too in my life! 🤗❤💯🤗❤

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb I will ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS believe in you. I’ve known you for several months now, and we’ve began this beautiful blossoming friendship, and I don’t think I can express exactly how much it means to me that you trust me this much to share your struggles. Even before your mother’s passing, you always had difficulties, and it pains my heart to hear how bad you hurt. You are so wise and positive, but even the wise and positive need someone to talk to, to grieve to.

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb You are only human, and while you may feel as if the pressure from expectations is overbearing and that you have to be perfect, you can let your guard down every once and a while. One of the things I absolutely hate is that you can’t feel safe in your own home. Financial situations are rough these days, and I honestly wish I had all the money in the world to assist people who don’t have a place to call home. Like you said, you can stay with your family, but restrict…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb …yourself to their beliefs and rules, or you can stay in this sticky housing situation…or move somewhere you feel uncomfortable. While this certainly isn’t my place to give input, my idea on this situation is to stay where you are. Family can be great, but your dealing with enough as it is and you don’t need to have others relying on you for their issues. You also shouldn’t have to change for them. Still ask for help, for family can be very understanding at times, but stay…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb …independent. You don’t want to rely on them too much, but like I said, it’s okay to ask for help from time to time…or all the time if necessary. While your dealing with a lot currently, there’s no where to go but up. If you truly like where you live, besides the other issues that come with it, stick with it. Stay strong and pull through. The one thing I would absolutely hate for you is to feel unsafe, and I hope that you will never have to feel that way ever again in your lifetime.

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb It brings me joy that Recolor can be your safe space, and I will ALWAYS be here for you. I appreciate your concern for my well-being and the worry of over piling things on me, but I beg of you, don’t. I love talking to you and comforting you, and your journey inspires me daily. Your friendship is something that I would never give up, and I hearing from you brightens my day. You can always rant to me, I’ll try and understand. Please stay safe and keep me updated! 💗💕

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@✰Absτrสcτ Girl✰ 💗

andriavanb

2 years ago

Thank you soooooooooo much for everything that you wrote to me. I really needed to hear it, so much. You're right, I am hurting a lot right now and it is hard to share it. But you do make me feel like I can trust you. Your messages were so kind and understanding that I burst into tears reading them. You really touched my heart. There are so few truly caring, selfless people in the world. People who go out of their way to comfort others who are in pain. At least, that's been my experience. My

andriavanb

2 years ago

...family sees it as a flaw or a lack of judgment on my part, for being this way. My "immaturity". No "common sense". And yes, I have been hurt a ton by people who have taken advantage of it. But my heart is still loving. I just have a few more walls up at times. It's not even an option for me to live with any of my family, they haven't offered, nor will they. I can't stay here, because of the lawsuit that's full of lies. So I definitely have to move, and so I am scared. Because of Covid, and

andriavanb

2 years ago

...the housing crisis going on in America, there aren't a lot of options if you aren't well off. Whether you're renting or buying, prices are through the roof. So, the options that are available to me are the ones I was scared of when this all began back in January, despite all the searching. I just don't know where to find the strength right now with everything else going on at the same time. I wanted to find a safe place to grieve and work on healing myself, and instead it's looking like I

andriavanb

2 years ago

...will be moving into even worse conditions than now. Less safe neighborhood, way more roommates, NO privacy, etc. Goodness, I feel like I'm whining to you. You don't know my history, so it's probably hard to understand why this is so heartbreaking for me. Because this is a public forum where anyone can read what I write, I can only share so much. I know you will understand. If it were just you and I talking, I wouldn't have a problem explaining more. I think the thing that's hardest for me

andriavanb

2 years ago

...right now besides my mom's passing, is that I've lost my faith. I was never a religious person (although I respect those who are), but I was spiritual. But now I don't feel a connection to anything, any higher power. That connection is what has always gotten me through whatever crisis in my life in the past, but now it's vanished and that scares me more than anything. I don't have a clue how to change it. It's the most adrift I've ever felt in my life. Don't worry, I don't expect you to have

andriavanb

2 years ago

...answers to any of these things. Just listening and knowing you care means more than you know. I will just have to somehow figure it all out. I guess that's life. I really love talking to you too, and just because I'm going through things doesn't mean I can't be there for you. I'm like you, I like being there for people I care about. Your friendship is priceless. Somebody with a good heart that cares about you selflessly is rare. Please know you're like a diamond among rocks. We can inspire

andriavanb

2 years ago

...each other. I wouldn't give up your friendship either, and you always make my day brighter. Let me know how you're doing too, ok? 🤗❤❤❤❤❤

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb I’m so glad my comments could bring you comfort. I dearly wish that more people could do the bare minimum. What your describing is basic kindness, and it absolutely destroys me that not everyone can show that to you without hesitation. I’m so sorry about your family members, I’ve been blessed with good relatives and a family that will always be there for me, and I’m certainly not saying that yours aren’t, it just sounds as if they can’t accept you in all your truly beautiful…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb …ways. You are one of the most strong, kind, generous, loving, and considerate souls I’ve ever met. If they can’t see that, then they are absolutely crazy. I didn’t really grasp exactly how dire your situation was, and I apologize if I misspoke out of place about your housing situation. I really hate that I cant help you, and at this point, if I knew you in real life, I’d take you in myself. Having to stay somewhere you feel unsafe, or can’t call home, is something I…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb …am fortunate enough to never have experienced, therefore I don’t have much advice or solutions. I know your struggling, and I feel so helpless, you’ve become one of my greatest friends…and I just wish for you to live a peaceful life, even if only for a little bit. I completely understand how you’d prefer to keep some pieces of information to yourself, and I never want you to feel obligated to share. Simply explain your feelings, and I’ll listen. You don’t ever have to…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb …worry about not giving enough information with me. I’m your friend, and would never ask that of you. I’d also like to add that, even though you may feel as if no one is there, somebody somewhere is watching you. Im not the most religious, but I’m attempting to be. I’m a Christian follower, and I attend church, but I certainly don’t live my life by our religion’s rules and regulations. It’s hard to say if something is out there, watching us, but I believe that somebody has to be…

Eager2Color

2 years ago

@andriavanb looking and observing us. I think your mother truly is alive, spirit wise, and if you can’t believe in a greater spirit, at least believe in hers. I can tell you right now, with all confidence, she is watching over you and holding your hand throughout your journey. Once again, I appreciate you willing to talk with me. I’m doing good lately, nothing out of the usual. Thank you for being such an amazing person. Your perfect, stay strong! ❤️